Thrice Denied, Feeling Dark.

It's a dark time in my GORUCK Challenge training. It's been two weeks since a knee problem cut my long run short, and I'm frustrated beyond words. I've done everything I know how to do to help the knee recover. Rest, ice, anti-inflammatory meds, stretching, exercises for my glutes and stabilizer muscles, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress. I've gone through three cycles now where I rest and pamper the knee for 4-5 days then go on a short run with no weight to try to work back into running. Every time, I've started out feeling good, but had to stop after 1.5 - 2 miles due to the pain coming back. Each time that happens, it flares up for a few days and puts me into another cycle of rest and attempted recovery.

I had no idea that I would miss running this much! I've done more running in last couple of months than any other point in my life, and to suddenly have to cut it out of my routine, even for a week or two, is driving me crazy. I've tried to substitute other cardio workouts -- I had no problems doing a spin class and a stairmaster workout with my pack on -- but they just aren't the same. And I can tell Lola is missing it too. She's gotten noticeably more rambunctious in the house. Sometimes when I'm putting my shoes on she gives me this look that says "why aren't you taking me running?"

But by far the worst part of all this is the psychological blow it's dealt to my training. Up until that fateful run, I felt strong, resilient, tough, and fundamentally prepared to confront all sorts of physical challenges. I trusted my body. That's all come crashing down. Now I feel fragile. Every time I push myself in training (even lifting weights), I'm haunted by the prospect that some part of me is going to fail, cause an injury, and destroy my hopes of completing the GORUCK.

In a lot of ways, this is excellent mental preparation for the Challenge. This knee problem was an unexpected setback that has completely wrecked my training schedule. Somehow, someway, I've got to find a way to overcome it in time for the Challenge. I'm sure being able to roll with the punches will help me during the GRC, but getting to that point is proving really difficult. I think in my mind, ruck runs have become synonymous with preparation for the Challenge. Every day that I can't do them feels wasted. Never mind that I'm still lifting weights, doing stability and other cardio exercises, and bear crawling and crab walking across the backyard.

Accepting the fact that I have to scale back the running for a while is forcing me to reassess my training program. Maybe this knee problem is God's way of telling me that I need to focus more on my strength training; that in fact I'm well-prepared for the running bits. I'm trying to take comfort in that thought, and maybe if I can re-vamp my training plan I'll feel more like I'm still making progress.

But Lola's still looking at me, wanting to run.

Note: this post was written in mid-January 2012 (when I launched my blog), but is back-dated to reflect the journey I've been on as I train for the GORUCK Challenge.