Now that I've completed a GORUCK Challenge, I want to update my previous post about the training program I (more or less) followed with some reflections and refinements that future GORUCKers might find helpful. If you haven't read the first post - "How to Train for the GORUCK?" - I'd suggest you do that before delving into this one. I've also modified the injury prevention component of the workout, which I'll discuss in another post.

The Plan vs. What I Actually Did

First off, I want to be clear that I did not follow the previously-outlined training program to the letter. In fact, when I started having knee problems about halfway through (week 6), I practically abandoned it because I couldn't follow the running schedule. I did my best to maintain the framework of 3 cardio workouts and 2 strength workouts per week, but changed up the content of each to be oriented at recovering and strengthening the knee, above all else.

Ultimately I achieved my goals with the training program I outlined: I completed the GORUCK challenge and didn't get any injuries to speak of. As I said, I developed some knee problems and also some minor shoulder pain during training, but my body basically held up fine. Even so, I learned a lot along the way and will make some changes to my training if I do another challenge. Here are the big takeaways:

Lesson 1: It's not all about running

Don't go crazy with the ruck runs. Reading accounts of some of the early challenges had me thinking that we'd be running practically all night, but this wasn't the case for Class 116. I'm sure this varies quite a bit with the Cadre, and may also have to do with the new mission-based format that started in late 2011. In any case, while you definitely want to be comfortable running with your full load, you won't need to go very fast with it, and the running will probably be broken up into relatively short stints. In my opinion if you can ruck 6-10 miles with your full load you'll be in good shape. Although I had planned to be able to do a lot more, due to my knee problems the most I managed was 6.5 miles the week of the challenge. Getting through that workout was extremely tough, but after doing that, I didn't find the running parts of our challenge very taxing.

Lesson 2: More Variety!

My strategy for training to run with weight went something like this. Week 1: carry 5 lb on every run. Week 2: carry 10 lb on every run. Week 3, carry 15 lb... etc. I figured this would train my muscles and joints to just act as if the weight were part of me. This strategy seemed to be working well until I started having knee problems. Looking back on it, doing all my runs with a pack was a bad idea. It was also a bad idea to increase the weight AND the mileage in a single workout.

One of the problems with always carrying a heavy pack is that it makes it difficult to vary your run training, which is really important for injury prevention. In my original training post I talked about doing different kinds of runs - intervals, accelerator runs, long runs, and even "tough runs" which mix in body weight exercise. Once my pack weight got above 15lb or so, I found that I was doing really well just to cover the distance. Intervals, pacing, or anything else just went out the window. In effect, every run was a "long" run done at a slow, steady pace. Over time, I think all the running under load eroded my running form, which eventually led to the knee problems.

Basically, keep your runs as varied as possible in terms of distance, intensity, and weight. I'd suggest at least one weekly run with no weight to build your distance or pace (without sacrificing form), then at least one slower run per week with weight to get your joints used to the extra load. Try to avoid increasing your mileage and weight on the same run.

Lesson 3: Emphasize dynamic body weight exercises

For the strength component of your training, I would emphasize body weight exercises (e.g pushups, bear crawl, crab walk, lunges, etc.) more than weight lifting. I did a lot of lifting in the first half of my training and then transitioned to more of these, but I wish I had done more.  This should be pretty obvious, but as you get stronger, make sure you spend plenty of time doing these with your pack on. (Word to the wise: learn to do pushups with correct form (elbows in!) to avoid shoulder problems, especially once you start adding weight).

Lesson 4: Just do it

You need to be fit to do the GORUCK Challenge, but that can take a lot of different forms. Don't worry about hitting a specific benchmark or becoming a beast at every possible exercise the Cadre might throw at you, just do what you can to make sure your body is strong and tough. Nothing can really prepare you for all the trials you'll face. You'll help your teammates when you're feeling strong, they'll help you when you're not, and you'll get through together. In the end it's more mental than physical.

What I Carried

This is what went into or on my pack during the Challenge. I tried to stick pretty close to the official packing list and not load myself down with a bunch of extra gear I "needed." I should note that the conditions for our challenge night were cold and clear, with a low of about 27 degrees.

Backpack: GORUCK GR1

When I registered for my Challenge, GORUCK bags were still required to do the Challenge, and if you didn't already own one you could either purchase one at a discount or borrow one. I decided to buy one, and despite the hefty price tag, I'm glad I did. I had been using a Camelbak backpack a little smaller than the GR1 during training, and the shoulder straps would dig in and even constrict my breathing a bit whenever I carried more than 4 bricks or so. The first time I put on the GR1 (moments before the challenge started) I was blown away by the comfort with a 40lb load. The shoulder straps are well-padded and the plastic framesheet does a really nice job spreading out any pressure points across your back.  Compared to my training pack, I felt like I was carrying much less weight. The GR1 rode well during running and was streamlined enough to stay out of the way during the other trials of our challenge.

The quality and performance of my GR1 has been outstanding so far. A GORUCK bag is no longer required to do the challenge, if you're in the market for a ruck and are willing to pay a premium for quality, great design, and American manufacturing, give this one a look. GORUCK founder Jason's GR1 explained article highlights all the thought and attention to detail that went into the GR1's design, and reading it pretty much sold me.

Bricks: Wrapped in bubble wrap and duct tape, secured with velcro strap-all

I spiced up my bricks with a little decoration just to give myself some extra motivation to carry them. I followed the tried-and-true bubblewrap + duct tape method, which worked well as far as cushioning my back. It turned out we did not get wet during my challenge so I can't comment on the ability of this method to keep the bricks from getting waterlogged, but it seems like it would work OK.

The GR1 has a killer feature in the form of internal webbing straps at the top of the pack. Taking the advice of a teammate, I was able to use some velcro strap-all (double-sided velcro strap that you can get at Lowe's or wherever) to secure 4 of my bricks in the top of the pack (see photo). This really helped keep the load high on my shoulders, which is right where you want it for running and walking. Not so great for bear crawls and inclined pushups, but that's just going to be uncomfortable no matter what!  The other two bricks went loose in the bottom of the main compartment.

Hydration: Camelback reservoir w/neoprene tube insulator from eBay and tube keepers.

I used a 3L Camelbak reservoir, which held up well during training and the challenge. You'll want to carry 3L of water or more - you will need it. I've used a few other kinds of reservoirs (Platypus, Hydrapak), but chose the Camelbak because of the secure way that the tube mates to the bladder. I didn't want to take any chances with the tube coming off and leaking all my water out.

I made a couple of upgrades to the standard reservoir. First, I swapped out the straight bite-valve for a right-angle model, which is much easier to drink from while on the move (I think this is standard on new reservoirs). I also made sure the bite valve had a cover to keep dirt and mud out, and I was very glad to have it when we were low crawling across a soggy baseball field. Secondly, since my challenge was in the winter and drink tubes have been known to freeze up (this has happened to me on backpacking trips), I went to eBay and got a neoprene insulating sleeve for the tube. I tested this out on a hike with windchills in the teens, and I only got a small amount of freezing in the bite valve itself, easily cleared. The tube did not freeze.

Finally, I brought along a short piece of velcro and a knotted loop of 550 cord that I made to secure the drink tube to the shoulder straps. I couldn't stand the tube bouncing around during my training runs. Hydration is critical during the challenge, so think through the conditions, figure out a system you can count on, and test it thoroughly during training.

Headlamp:Petzl Tikka XP

I've been using Petzl Tikka series headlamps since the original model came out, and they've worked extremely well for everything from working around the house to backpacking in the snow. Light, bright, simple, and robust. For running I think it's handy to have one that lets you pivot the light up and down so you can change how far ahead the light goes. This model worked great on the challenge.

Useful Miscellaneous: duct tape, carabiner, tie-down strap

I brought along a very small assortment of items that I thought may come in handy for transporting heavy objects or for minor repairs. In the end I didn't happen need them, but I would probably carry them again on another challenge.

Nutrition: Honey Stinger and Clif Shot Energy Gels, Peanut M&Ms (inside an AlokSak waterproof bag)

Both the gels and the M&Ms proved to great sources of energy during the challenge. I was prepared to get wet, so they all went in a sturdy waterproof bag.

One pair of extra socks, two pair of extra gloves, extra base layer  (inside an AlokSak waterproof bag)

Based on accounts of other challenges, I knew I should be prepared to get wet even in subfreezing temperatures, so I packed some extra clothes and made sure they'd stay dry. We were lucky not to get wet after all, but I would do this again. My first pair of gloves wore through (see below), so I did use one of the spare pairs to keep my fingers warm.

Cell phone (off), money for a cab, ID, and hand warmers (inside Pelican waterproof case)

This little Pelican case was my contingency plan if I had to tap out. Waterproof, of course.

What I Wore

Base Layer: UnderArmour Cold Gear compression tights and loose UA long sleeve shirt

Good choices. Despite sub-freezing temperatures I can truthfully say that I was comfortable (temperature-wise) for virtually the entire challenge. I got a little chilled on rest breaks, but as long as we were moving I was fine. I probably could have gone without the tights, but I would have been uncomfortably cold for a few hours before dawn.

Beware that you will want to wear durable bottoms (if you do long pants/tights). Mine got a little roughed up from low crawling and climbing over chain link fences, but they're still perfectly wearable. Many guys on my team wore long hiking/BDU type pants which looked like they were a good choice for our Challenge, too. If we had gotten wet, however, they might have taken a long time to dry.

Outer Layer: Marmot DriClime Windshirt

This windbreaker is another great piece of gear that I can't say enough good things about. It repels moisture and wind well and has vented armpits that keep it from ever getting too hot inside. It has a trim fit and a slick exterior material that stays out of the way and is not easily snagged on branches or whatever.  Through many hikes, runs, and the GRC, this jacket has performed superbly. As I said above, this thing kept me at just the right temperature for the entire challenge.

Gloves: Mechanix

Gloves are essential equipment for a GORUCK Challenge, regardless of the weather. I used a pair of Mechanix gloves, which were an outstanding choice. They were warm enough, maintained some dexterity, and protected my hands well. I started with an old, beaten-up pair though, and halfway through the challenge I had worn holes in most of the fingers. This isn't an indictment of the durability of Mechanix gloves; it only happened because the pair I started with was almost shot. Still, I was glad I brought a backup pair of gloves.

Shoes: Brooks Launch

Shoes are a highly personal choice. I picked the Brooks Launch mostly because they fit well, but they were also relatively lightweight and seemed like they would dry quickly. You'll hear this from Cadre if you do a challenge, but minimalist or ultralight shoes (*ahem*, Five Fingers) are not suitable for the GRC. You don't need boots, but you do want shoes that give your feet a bit of protection.

GRC veterans: have your own thoughts on gear for the challenge? Let me hear from you in the comments!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am GORUCK Tough! This past weekend I completed the GORUCK Challenge in Raleigh, NC as part of Class 116. This was the culmination of a journey that began five months ago when I decided to sign up, got me into the best shape of my life, and taught me valuable lessons about myself along the way.

The Waiting Game

Our challenge didn't start until 10 pm on Saturday, so I wound up spending most of the day checking and rechecking my gear, checking the packing list, checking the weather, checking the team Facebook page, and generally psyching myself out, especially in the last hour or two before leaving home. Then I was off to a pub in downtown Raleigh where the team gathered for some pre-challenge cheer. Meeting some of the other crazy fools who would be joining me went a long way toward calming my nerves, and there were even a couple of folks on our team who had done Challenges before. Their advice helped me feel a little more prepared.

Shell Shock

When it was time to go and meet our Cadre, Patrick, the temperature outside was hovering a little below freezing. We assembled, signed our "death waivers," had a quick briefing, and  before I knew it were doing buddy carries down the sidewalk, dodging drunks and incredulous bystanders. After crossing the street, it was time for crab walks (where we managed to piss off a band that was unloading by blocking the door to their club). Soon we were back in the square where we started, this time doing bear crawls halfway around the block.

It went on like that for a while. We worked our way around downtown to the capitol, where we attempted our first small exercise in teamwork--low crawling uphill while staying in a line--over and over again. We did it until we got it right.

All this was doing a number on most of our muscles, especially the upper body, but for me it was even more uncomfortable psychologically. If you've read my other GORUCK posts, you'll know that I'd been struggling with IT band problems for more than a month before the challenge, and my biggest concern going in was whether my knee would hold up to all the running I figured we would be doing. I had convinced myself that the most intense running would happen in the first few hours of the challenge, and that if I could get through that I'd be OK. Well, we were a couple hours in, and we hadn't run more than a few blocks - we'd been too busy walking on all fours! I couldn't stop dreading the running that was surely coming.

After a particularly painful session of inclined push-ups and crab walking up stairs, we took a short hydration break, formed up, and then set out jogging. This was the moment of truth. It didn't take long for me to realize that we were only going to run as fast as our slowest person could go, and I was not that person. We kept up a steady shuffle for a while, eventually transitioning to Indian runs. My best guess is that this was about hour 3, and even though I knew we had a long way to go, this running portion is where I felt a surge of confidence that I was going to make it. My knee wasn't bothering me at all, and I could feel all my training runs paying dividends as we shuffled along. Don't get me wrong, jogging with 40-lb packs is tiring, but I was keeping up without a problem and feeling a lot better than I had expected to.

The Log

After an hour or two of running in tight formation, we had convinced our Cadre that we could pull off some semblance of teamwork. We stopped and received our first "mission." Before long, we had found a 50lb "coupon" and an enormous log that we would have to transport an unknown distance within 3 hours. I don't want to reveal too many details, but I will say that the log kicked our collective hind parts. At first it seemed like we were moving it pretty quickly, but that didn't last. Rough terrain, difficulty navigating, bitter cold, and fatigue got the better of us, and we didn't come together the way we should have. After hours of grinding through, we came to a final stretch stretch of trail leading to our destination. It wound up a steep hill.

Its hard enough distributing the weight of a big log among people of different heights on level ground, but an incline puts a HUGE burden on those in the front. Let me tell you that getting up this hill was sheer agony. We were all straining under the weight, trying to rotate people through the most difficult positions on the log, but we were tired, and whatever semblance of a system we had just sort of broke down. We staggered and stumbled, afraid that if we stopped moving we'd never get going again. It's a miracle that the log didn't just come crashing down.

Paying for Failure

At long last we reached the appointed spot and lowered the log, relieved to at last be done with the mission. Our relief was immediately washed away when Cadre informed us that we had blown the time limit by more than an hour. We got chewed out for failing to work together, and then endured a round of punishment in the form of hard exercise. We did a bunch of things, but the most memorable involved climbing over an 8-ft chain link fence, low-crawling across a baseball field, climbing over another chain link fence, and running back.

This was the low point for me, and I suspect for many others on our team. Hours under the log had ended in failure, Cadre was pissed, it was cold, and we had only gotten through one mission. My arms and shoulders were toast from all the punishment we were taking. When I jumped up onto the fence and tried to climb, I honestly didn't think I could make it to the top. It came down to sheer attitude. With encouragement from teammates, I somehow convinced myself that I could haul my body and my 40 lb ruck over, and made it to the other side.

Then I started crawling. Low crawling doesn't seem like it should be hard, since you're basically laying on the ground, but it is, and we had to traverse a long distance through wet grass. I kept inching myself forward, but about 2/3 of the way through I really felt my strength waning. I never seriously thought about quitting, but I did want to stop and lay there for a while to rest. I had to dig deep to keep moving. A lot of my comrades were in the same boat, and some of them were unlucky enough to be crawling through the "mud lane" across the field. When we got to the other side, I saw tears on a few faces.

This episode is probably the part of the challenge I've thought most about since last weekend.  Looking back on it from a less-fatigued, sleep-deprived state, I realize that under the stress of the moment I abandoned the team. When we were given our punishment, I forgot for a time that doing the exercises together was more important than doing them quickly. I just zeroed in on what had to be done and went for it, without making sure my teammates were squared away. And I can see that I struggled to stay motivated because I had disconnected myself--mentally--from the group. Fortunately, some of my clearer-headed teammates brought me around, and when we all came over the second fence we re-formed and ran back to Cadre as a unit. I learned some valuable lessons about myself in that field, and if I ever do something like this again I hope I'll be able to put the team first even under the worst circumstances.

The Rest

Our punishment over, we had a chance to take a short break for some food and hydration. The sun was coming up at this point, so our spirits were lifted a little by the knowledge that we had made it through about 9 hours and would soon be warmer. We moved out, and about 3 hours later, all 21 members of Class 116 reached the finish...together. The rest of our challenge wasn't as memorable as the log and the baseball field, but it still involved travelling long distances and carrying heavy things.

As we ran back into the square where we started, Cadre Lou was there to join Patrick in awarding our patches and welcoming us to the GORUCK Tough family. Ours was the last class that to be awarded the original GORUCK Tough patch with the flame background, which made earning one all the more meaningful.  We had all suffered during our adventure, sometimes a little and sometimes a lot, and getting through the last few hours was especially painful for a few of our team. Standing there at the end, I think we were all proud of our teammates and proud of ourselves for sticking it out. Thanks again and congratulations to all my comrades in Class 116!

I'm tremendously proud to have completed the GRC, but even more proud of the months of work that got me there. Training for this event opened my eyes to what one can achieve with dedication and a stubbornly can-do attitude. I learned what it feels like to truly focus all my energy on a single goal, learned to be flexible and stay positive when the unexpected happens, and took my fitness to a whole new level. Compared to all that, getting through the Challenge itself was icing on the cake.

The GORUCK Challenge definitely isn't for everybody, but if you're reading this and have even a little inkling to try it, my advice is to absolutely, unequivocally, go for it. You can do it. Nothing is as hard as it sounds once you get in the middle of it, and you will be amazed at what you can do when you have good people on your left and right.

Good Livin'

Check out my other GORUCK posts for tips on training and gear!

Why the @#$% Would you GORUCK?

How to Train for GORUCK?

Meet the Bricks

Gearing Up for GORUCK

Lessons Learned during GORUCK Training

Ryan's Injury Prevention Workout (coming soon)

Five hours from now, I'll step off into the unknown with the fifteen or so other GORUCKers in Class 116. My gear is ready, my bricks are dressed for the occasion, and there's no more time to work out. I have to trust that the last four months of work have made my body and mind strong enough to get through this.

I'm a long way from where I'd hoped to be back when I planned out my training program, but I'm also stronger than I've ever been before. My knee has been holding up OK, but not great. My final training run on Tuesday was a 1-hour long ruck run with the full six-brick load. It was hands down one of the toughest workouts of my life, but I made it through despite some knee pain. It was aggravated for several days afterwards, but I've calmed it down with ice and stretching, and spent the week praying that that last workout made it stronger rather than set it back.

In my heart of hearts, I know there's a decent chance that at some point during the Challenge the knee pain will start, and it will become too painful for me to continue. That possibility doesn't concern me the way it did even a few weeks ago, though. Finish or not, this is going to be a memorable adventure, and I'm a far stronger, fitter, and mentally tougher person because I signed up. I've learned to be flexible, to not give in when plans fall apart, and have felt what it's like to truly dedicate yourself to achieving a goal. No matter what happens, this has been a worthwhile journey.

But in the last 24 hours, all the jitters, the butterflies, the anxiety about whether my knee will hurt have just evaporated. It may not be completely rational, but as I sit here at the end of four months of dedicated training, on the eve of a night I've looked forward to for so long, I feel calm. I've worked hard for this, am in good shape, and after  Tuesday's run, know that I can fight through a little knee pain. And unlike every workout I've done so far, I won't be alone. I will face this challenge as part of a team; a team who can sustain me when I'm hurting or tired and who will motivate me to work hard for them.

So yeah, there are a lot of reasons why I might not finish tonight. But all that's in my mind right now is the possibility that I CAN get through this. That I AM fit enough, that the knee might NOT hurt enough to make me stop. In the immortal words of Spirit, my favorite stereotyped Native American tracker from the G.I. Joe cartoons:

"Possibility and impossibility are states of mind. In my mind, there is only the possible."

Gotta go. It's time to GORUCK.

With the GORUCK Challenge looming, it's time to introduce you to my training partners: the bricks!

Every participant in the GRC carries either four or six bricks in their rucksack for the entire challenge. Don't ask why; it's just what we do. Now, it's highly recommended that the bricks be wrapped in something soft to keep them from rubbing holes in your backpack and to save your lower back a lot of grief. Standard practice among GORUCKers seems to be wrapping the bricks in bubble wrap and covering them in duct tape.

My bricks lined up for duty a couple of months ago, when I found them under my house. (It's either coincidence or Providence that there happened to be exactly six random bricks left under my deck by the previous owner). I dutifully wrapped them in bubble wrap and duct tape and started carrying them on some of my workouts. We've logged many miles together at this point, and they've never failed in their job of making workouts harder!

With less than a week to go until my Challenge, I decided to dress up my loyal workout buddies for the occasion.

Bricks worth carrying.

1. Flag

The first brick I decorated features the reversed-U.S. flag worn by our soldiers (and also the GORUCK logo). I carry this brick in honor of all of our servicemen and women, living and fallen, whose training and values inspired the GRC and whose service and sacrifices inspire me to be the best person that I can.

2. God

The God brick is, well, for God. For a number of reasons that I may write about later, signing up and training for the GRC has deepened my faith in God. Decorated with a cross and a reference to Psalm 139, I carry this brick to remind me that I am not alone, and that I can draw strength from God in times of need. The psalm is a passage I ran across during training, which basically says that no matter how dark or difficult the circumstances, there is no place, literal or metaphorical, where God cannot reach me:

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Psalm 139: 7-12, NIV

3. Family

The third brick is decorated with a large "K" to represent my family name. I attached a note of encouragement from my Dad to the back. The ends are wrapped in bracelets supporting the LiveStrong Foundation and the Crohn''s and Colitis Foundation of America. The bracelets are there because I have family members who have been afflicted with cancer and Crohn's disease, among several other health problems. I carry this brick to remember that my family is always behind me, supporting me through crazy adventures like the GRC. It reminds me both to be thankful that I am healthy enough to do something like the GRC, and to work hard to maintain that good health.

4. Can-Do

The "can-do" brick is decorated like a big dice. When I began training for the GRC, I had the whole process planned out, and I expected training to go pretty smoothly. After my knee problems forced me to abandon that plan, I had to learn to be flexible. I carry this brick as a reminder not to freak out when things don't go according to plan, but to have faith in myself and maintain a positive attitude.

5. Darkness

This brick is just a plain black brick. This solemn stone represents the dark places I will visit on the Challenge. There will be pain, discomfort, feelings of defeat, and temptation to quit, probably of a kind I've never experienced before. I carry this brick to acknowledge that these dark feelings are a part of life, and a reminder that they don't have to control my actions.

6. Finish

The final brick is a chequered flag, representing the finish line. On the back, is my class number-116. Through all the ups and downs of my knee injury, I've had many thoughts of abandoning the Raleigh challenge and signing up for another one later on, after I've had more time to recover. Even though my knee is doing better now, I still have to acknowledge the possibility that it might wear out during the challenge and become too painful for me to continue. I carry this brick to motivate me to finish what I started, as a part of GRC Class 116.

So there you have it. Six bricks, weighing a combined 27 lb, representing so much more.

I started out by doing short runs on the treadmill in a little workout room at my office. The treadmill faces a window, and since it was dark outside when I ran, all I had to look at was my own reflection. As corny as it may sound, there was something kind of powerful about seeing myself striding along, looking strong, feeling relaxed and pain-free. It was a powerful image, and one that I've called to mind several times since, to give me the strength to run without fear about whether the knee will hold up. I felt like I really hit a psychological turning point when I was able to start increasing my daily mileage - even if only by 0.25 miles at first, without pain. I never dreamed that a 0.75-mile run could feel like such a victory, but it did, and it turned my frustration into determination to see this through.

Ten days ago I could go 0.5 miles with no pack, on the treadmill. Yesterday I went 1.75 mi with four bricks (outside), and later that day, 3.5 miles with three bricks. The miles haven't come easily. On almost every run I've gotten some minor aches and pains, but in every case so far they've gone away quickly and haven't lingered after the run. After my two runs yesterday, I realized that I've put in more mileage in the last week than during any other week of my training. That's progress I can feel really good about.

My knee and I have come a long way. I'm absolutely confident that I'm fit enough to get through the Challenge, but with one week to go, I had hoped to do a 5-mile ruck run today with my full loadout of 6 bricks just to make sure my knee was going to be hardy enough. But, after eight runs in the last seven days, my body needs a couple days off. The two runs I did yesterday were some of the hardest I've done. My legs felt weak, tired, and inefficient, no doubt because of all the work I've put them through this week.

I've probably broken every rule of running training by ramping up my mileage and training volume so fast, but that's what had to be done to get myself back on track to do the challenge. My knee has done extremely well considering the rate at which I've added mileage. I think after a day or two of rest I can get back out for one fully-loaded ruck run and still have time to rest up before the big night. Regardless, I feel confident that come challenge-time my knee and legs are going to be feeling strong.

I can do this.

Despite my best efforts to work through the IT band problems that derailed my training plan five weeks ago, I'm only now returning to running. I had an encouraging appointment with the PT yesterday, which confirmed that I've pretty much resolved the biomechanical issues that caused the problem, but the knee still keeps getting inflamed whenever I try to run. It's critical that I not let that happen. I left with some new exercises to do and clear instructions to run ONLY as much as I can without causing pain afterwards.

Today, that was half a mile. No weight, no dog, no hills, on the treadmill.

I should be feeling positive that I did it with no problems, but instead I just feel deflated. After nearly three months of training, I find myself back at the beginning, unable to run even as much as when I started this journey. It's worse than going back to square one: I'm at square zero.

Things wouldn't be so bad if I had done a better job adapting my training to this injury, but I'm realizing that only now. I had to pretty much abandon my original plan since I wasn't able to run, and I haven't been able to keep any real structure to my workouts since then. I've jumped back and forth from weight training to martial arts, spin classes to body weight exercise with this sort of frantic urgency to do something ...anything to keep getting stronger for the challenge.

Problem is, without any consistent program, I don't think I've made much progress, or if I have it's hard to measure. So with under three weeks to go, aside from worrying about my running ability, I I just don't feel fit, or at least not as fit as I need to be.

Now I feel like its crunch time, and I should be doing super hard core workouts every day to whip myself into shape. Only my body won't let me. I've got to be careful with my knee, I'm having a lot of aches and pains, and I've been battling a cold for a month. The inescapable fact is that I have to rest sometimes.

So I sit here on the couch, writing this post, feeling stir crazy. Doubts are creeping in, but all I can do is stay positive and keep working as much as my body will let me.

This morning I managed to do back-to-back 2-mile run/walks with 4 bricks in my pack by limiting my running to 2 minutes at a time. Even in short spurts, running on the slightest, slightest downhill grade would start to make the knee hurt. Not a lot, but enough that if I were to continue beyond 2 minutes it would probably get worse. Now that it's over, I can't descend stairs without pain, despite three rounds of ice. I'm just not making progress nearly as fast as I want to.

What's bothering me the most about having to limit my running is that I no longer feel tough. The trust that I used to have in my body has been replaced with fear. Fear that I'll injure myself in some other way, fear that my knee won't get better in time, fear that it WILL get well enough for my training runs, but not for the demands of the GRC.

Unexpected inspiration

Nevertheless, I feel like I'm starting to cope with this injury a little more constructively, thanks in large part to three unlikely pieces of inspiration I stumbled across in the last 24 hours.

I  have a smarphone app that sends me a random Bible verse every day. Yesterday morning when I picked up my phone, it read:

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. [2 Timothy 1:7]

Seeing this verse made me pause, as it spoke directly to the psychological struggles I'm having. It gave me a little boost to remember that I am not fragile, but powerful. My knee may not be at 100%, but I'm still doing some kind of workout at least 6 days a week, still probably in the best shape of my life, and perfectly capable of overcoming this injury. The self-control bit helped me step back and see that my blind frustration isn't productive. It does me no good to set arbitrary expectations about how fast my knee should heal. I've got to focus on what it DOES feel like, what I CAN do, and have the patience to work through the injury.

Later that evening, I was reading my usual assortment of blogs and websites, when I stumbled across an article called "The Hard Way" over at ITS Tactical / Art of Manliness. The article makes the point that our culture has come to associate success more with "quick fixes" and "magic formulas" than long, hard work. We almost instinctively look for ways to reap the rewards of hard work without actually having to do it: we'd rather drive to the top of a mountain and snap a picture at the "scenic overlook" than spend 8 hours hiking up. The point is, even though many successful people got that way not because of brilliance or luck, but from months or years of persistent effort, we don't often celebrate that anymore.

This idea is part of why I signed up for the GRC. I DO want to confront something that's really hard and become a stronger person because of it. But for some reason, I expected the 12-hour slog through the dark to be the only hard part. I thought that training would be "easy" - just a matter of setting goals, coming up with a plan, and sticking to it. As I read the article, I realized that getting through training and this injury is part of the challenge. It was unexpected. It screwed up my plans. It sucks. And now I have to deal with it.

I was foolish to think I could ratchet up my level of fitness so much without some sort of setback -- whether an injury, lack of motivation, or something else. Now that I see this as part of the journey, part of the Challenge, I can put the sense of frustration behind me and attack it head on. It may be the first in a series of similar trials I'll face during the GRC itself.

I'm doing everything I can, every day, to get over this injury, but I'm also coming to accept the fact that my knee is going to recover at it's own pace, and I just don't know if that will happen in time for me to do the Challenge. I was talking to my wife, Katherine (inspiration #3), who has been helping me maintain perspective through this whole process. I told her that if I'm not able to participate because of this injury, I'd feel like the last 4 months of training and preparation were a failure. She reminded me that in the bigger picture, I'm still "winning." I've taken my fitness to a whole new level as a result of all this training, and the journey so far has already taught me a lot about myself. I could abandon the GRC right now and be a better, stronger person for having signed up.

But I'm not going to do that.

The Swiss Army knife has long been a symbol of quality, utility, and versatility. If you have one of those in your pocket - the cliché goes - you're ready for anything. When I was in Boy Scouts years ago, I took their motto "be prepared" to heart, which is why I'm a firm believer in trying to be as well-rounded as possible. We're born with a huge potential, but it's all too easy to pigeonhole ourselves in one way or another, find a niche, and never look beyond it. I think the best way to be prepared for life is to branch out and acquire as many skills and experiences as possible, even ones you think you'll never need. Writing this blog is one way that I'm trying to do that.

The tagline I've coined for this blog is "Be useful. Stay sharp." I'm 27 years old, in the early stages of my post-academic life, and still trying to figure out what direction(s) I want my career to take. Whatever the answer, though, my overarching goal is to do something that makes the world better, either by a little or a lot, in as many ways as possible. Life is a gift, and I want to make mine useful.

My life is filled with blessings, like good health, a strong body, and a sharp mind, among others. Like any tool, these take maintenance, and I try to keep my mind, body, and spirit sharp by staying as fit as I can and learning all that I can.

I've started this blog without any particular theme or topic in mind, but rather as a way of sharing things that are on my mind, in hopes that someone finds them interesting, inspiring, or useful. Eventually I expect my posts will start to fall into a few main categories, which I'll organize with links up in the top menu.

Thanks for reading!

I had no idea that I would miss running this much! I've done more running in last couple of months than any other point in my life, and to suddenly have to cut it out of my routine, even for a week or two, is driving me crazy. I've tried to substitute other cardio workouts -- I had no problems doing a spin class and a stairmaster workout with my pack on -- but they just aren't the same. And I can tell Lola is missing it too. She's gotten noticeably more rambunctious in the house. Sometimes when I'm putting my shoes on she gives me this look that says "why aren't you taking me running?"

But by far the worst part of all this is the psychological blow it's dealt to my training. Up until that fateful run, I felt strong, resilient, tough, and fundamentally prepared to confront all sorts of physical challenges. I trusted my body. That's all come crashing down. Now I feel fragile. Every time I push myself in training (even lifting weights), I'm haunted by the prospect that some part of me is going to fail, cause an injury, and destroy my hopes of completing the GORUCK.

In a lot of ways, this is excellent mental preparation for the Challenge. This knee problem was an unexpected setback that has completely wrecked my training schedule. Somehow, someway, I've got to find a way to overcome it in time for the Challenge. I'm sure being able to roll with the punches will help me during the GRC, but getting to that point is proving really difficult. I think in my mind, ruck runs have become synonymous with preparation for the Challenge. Every day that I can't do them feels wasted. Never mind that I'm still lifting weights, doing stability and other cardio exercises, and bear crawling and crab walking across the backyard.

Accepting the fact that I have to scale back the running for a while is forcing me to reassess my training program. Maybe this knee problem is God's way of telling me that I need to focus more on my strength training; that in fact I'm well-prepared for the running bits. I'm trying to take comfort in that thought, and maybe if I can re-vamp my training plan I'll feel more like I'm still making progress.

But Lola's still looking at me, wanting to run.

Note: this post was written in mid-January 2012 (when I launched my blog), but is back-dated to reflect the journey I've been on as I train for the GORUCK Challenge.